


Heads, Minds, and Other Things We Lost In Wonderland

by NKMLN



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Blood and Gore, Episode: e051-057 The Suffering Game Parts 1-7, Gen, M/M, Post-Episode: e067-069 Story and Song Parts 1-3, Scars, Spoilers for Episode: e051-057 The Suffering Game Parts 1-7, Spoilers for Episode: e067-069 Story and Song Parts 1-3, Spoilers for the adventure zone balance, dude fuck if I know, taako angst, taako deals with the aftermath of physical and psychological damage, things happened that need to be discussed, this is OOC af but I don't care
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-18 11:41:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18120101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NKMLN/pseuds/NKMLN
Summary: Taako leaves Wonderland. Wonderland doesn't leave Taako.





	Heads, Minds, and Other Things We Lost In Wonderland

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Untitled](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/464465) by castcharmperson. 



> This work was inspired by an absolutely gorgeous ficlet by castcharmperson on Tumblr. Parts of this fic won't make sense without reading it, so I recommend you check it out first.

_"Now, just hold on a minute. What do you think you're doing?"_

_"That's cheating! You know the rules: once you sacrifice something here, you don't get it back!"_

_His blood pulses back out of his body, like it's eager to escape, like he's really that bad. He falls to his knees, legs unable to take his weight- oh, shit that fuckin' washing machine really did a number on him, huh? He doubts anyone can hear it over Magnus and Merle's horrified shouting, but he takes a great heaving gasp to try to regain some composure. It's okay. It's- fuck, it'll be fine. It'll be fine._

_He shifts his weight and feels the edges of his broken leg crash together in a horrifying crescendo of pain, oh,_ god _-_

And he wakes up.

~|~

 _(Mirror,_ _mir·ror_ ,  _noun_

_1\. a reflective surface, now typically of glass coated with a metal amalgam, that reflects a clear image.)_

Looking in his sister's eyes is like coming home, like stepping into a place for the first time and feeling safe. Hearing Lup laugh is like watching the void stitch back together from shatters of stardust glass and smears of oil-slick dark matter. Looking at Lup, standing in the mirror next him, feels like the syrup slow crawl of the glamour that's woven so deep into him he's changed the number of spells he can cast each day.

If X minus one is equal to the look in his sisters eyes because she heard him change from inside her own carefully-wrought velvet cage and sees him exactly the same way, how many times can he look at her before one of them loses their mind from all these sugar-sweet lies? Don't forget to show your work! Flip your head inside out and show me what you're thinking, baby, 'cause it can't be any worse than what I've got!

"Taako, love, are you alright?"

He glances over to watch his boyfriend's eyes without having to see anything else. "I'm good," he says, voice full of hollow confidence. Someone laughs outside, dancing. "What's up, babe?" 

 _(Ghost,_ _ ɡōst,  _ _noun_

_1\. an apparition of a dead person which is believed to appear or become manifest to the living, typically as a nebulous image.)_

Looking at Kravitz is like looking at the other set of twins and hearing the word Keats fall, for the first time in his life, like a body through the air. His lover's eyes blink, once, twice, as his head tilts clockwork-steady to the side. "Are you sure, Taako? Your eyes were-" He reaches out a hand, and Taako lets his warm fingers curl around his cheek. "You looked like you weren't quite here. Are you sure everything's alright?"

Taako nods. "I just..." He stumbles for a moment (he trips on the way to the wheel and they haven't even done anything yet)- "Hey, ghost rider, can you show me those bones for a sec?"

Something in his eyes must convince Kravitz, because it's hardly a moment before his flesh burns away, revealing the skeletal visage and fiery eyes underneath. The hand on Taako's cheek goes hard, and Taako breathes in, steady, out, steady, steady, steady. He still feels sore, like he never got out from under that piece of machinery. "Taako, are you sure you're alright?"

Taako carefully holds that hand and presses it to his lips, recasting the glamour. He knows Kravitz won't feel the slow crawl of magic the way he does. "Yeah, babe, I'm good." He gestures with his head to the dance floor, where Killian spins Carey around and around and around, both of them dizzy already with love. "You should go outside. I'll be there in a minute, 'kay?"

Kravitz hesitates, then kisses his forehead, and pulls his skin back on before going outside. Once he's alone, Taako rests his head against his hands and tries to muster up the will to stand.

~|~

"Hey, Lup, remember that time we all got turned into stone?"

His sister looks up at him from her perch on the windowsill. "No, Taako, I've entirely forgotten the time we all got turned into rock." She smiles. "Yeah, course I do. What's up?"

Taako tips his chair onto its back legs. "Magnus was totally into it, right?"

Lup's eyes go delightedly wide. "Oh my god." She brings her hands up to her mouth. "Magnus is into being a  _rock._  Taako, that's gold, holy shit." She hops off the counter. "Holy shit. Hold on, I'm calling him. This is  _too good._ Holy shit, didn't he get turned into a rock more than once? You turned him into a rock, right?"

"Technically, Merle turned him into a rock."

 _"Holy shit!"_ Lup sprints out of the room to find her stone of farspeech. "Taako, that's fucking incredible! Oh, damn! I mean, next to Merle, it's not-"

"-that bad," Magnus finishes, and Taako blinks because no, no, not again. Not this fucking bullshit again. "You know, I feel like I’ve learned a lot about myself here, and I feel like our friendship has grown even more powerful, don’t you think?" Magnus- no, Edward- turns, and Taako sees Lydia next to him like it's the most natural thing in the world, like that's still his friend- but it ended, didn't it? Didn't it-

"Fuck off," Taako hisses, and the kitchen returns. Lup stares down at him, shocked. He's on his back, his chair behind him. He breathes heavily, harshly, air filling and exiting his lungs too quickly for him to use it. He puts his arms over his face, trying to hide his expression from his sister. "'m sorry," he murmurs. "Fuck-"

"Lup?" Magnus' voice rings out of the stone, and Lup looks down like she'd forgotten it was there. "What was that noise?"

Taako shakes his head, begging her not to say anything, please. "Nothin', babe," she tells him. She turns around, gives Taako a moment to get up. "So Taako and I were talking, and, uhh... Hey, Maggie? You into rocks?"

Taako grabs the chair and pulls himself up on shaking legs. Before Lup turns around, he's back in his seat. He doesn't meet her eyes, though he can feel them asking.

~|~

 _(Mirror,_ _mir·ror_ ,  _noun_

_1\. hell)_

Once the glamour fades, he doesn't look like Lup anymore. He doesn't look like himself, either. Not really. The good news is that there's a simple solution: don't let the glamour fade. Let it rest in his bones until he forgets he has the spell slot. And it almost works. He almost forgets about the bruises up and down his legs, because they never did heal right, and it's hard not to crash against things when you can't keep your balance. He almost forgets about having to dye his hair, because, well, fuck, you know? It's magic, babe! Who cares about a few greys, right?

He almost forgets about his face.

And he definitely, definitely forgets about the repercussions of teaching Angus how to cast Dispel Magic, because children are notoriously good at taking in information, and notoriously bad at keeping secrets.

~|~

_He's hit for eleven points of necrotic damage, and it hurts so, so much-_

And he wakes up, tears stinging at his eyes, Kravitz murmuring kind, sweet nothings beside him, asking if he can do anything, does he need him to call Lup, if he's okay-

And Taako pulls down the glamour and tries to speak, but nothing comes out. He swallows, then tries again, closing his eyes.

"No," he finally whispers. "I'm not."


End file.
